How to deal more effectively with mistakes

We get way too worked up about simple mistakes sometimes... ;-)

Almost all the people I have met so far struggle with it to some degree. I sometimes get very angry with myself for doing them : mistakes. It seems most of us have a very hard time dealing with our own faults. We tend to get pissed off, blame ourselves for not doing better and critizise ourselves in our own thoughts.


The problem isn't that we are doing something "wrong" - it's our perception of what mistakes are and what they tell about us. Everyone screws up sometimes yet we normally don't get too mad about the mistakes that other people make because we know that human beings aren't perfect. The same forgiving attitude could be applied to ourselves if we are willing to do it and this would help us a great deal with removing stress from our own lives.


So what exactly is a mistake? In most peoples minds a mistake is something that shouldn't have happened, that you should've known better, something very stupid and unforgiving. Many of us strive to not make any mistakes at all. The fear of failure can cripple someone severely in their potential and that is why I would like to propose another way of seeing your own mistakes in the future.


Mistakes are simply feedback about how you are currently doing in any given task at that very moment. They do not reflect your full skillset nor do they give an accurate view of who you are and what you can really do. They can not diminish your worth as a person. Ever.


We struggle with making mistakes because sometimes we know we could to better. We do not want others to think that we are like this all the time.


We wish that things went better, there is a conflict inside of us between how we think it should be and how it actually is. If you can resolve that conflict by simply accepting that, in this very moment, you get feedback about something you can work on or get better at by making a mistake a lot of your struggling will simply vanish.


Imagine you want to learn how to play the piano and this is your first lesson ever. You wouldn't expect to play perfectly right from the start. You know that you are a complete beginner and that you will make lots of mistakes, yet your attitude of accepting them does not divide your mind between "it should be different" and "this is how it is", thus frustrating you. If however, you are an expert piano player you would tend to be very unforgiving of making, in your own perception, "minor" mistakes that you could have been easily avoided (by paying more attention for example). But this is not a very constructive and supporting way of looking at it.  


Simply see it as feedback for this very moment. If you manage to do that then it is very easy to direct your energy towards changing it and learning from it.


Don't beat yourself up. You are not helping anyone and you would most likely be very forgiving if someone else made the same mistake you just did. Take it as feedback and not as a statement about your skills or your worth as a person.



Cheers!


Marc