Howard's Laws Of Human Worth

I've recently begun to read a fantastic book about Self Esteem. It's called "The Self-Esteem Workbook" by Glenn R. Schiraldi. I'm not even close to finshing it (it contains a good amount of exercises and it is not recommended to just skip through the chapters to have a full effect on your Self-Esteem level) but what struck me in a deep way were 5 Axioms called "Howard's Laws Of Human Worth" developed by psychiatrist Claudia A. Howard in 1992.

Self-Worth plays an important role for your own happiness

In his Book Schiraldi defines unconditional worth using these five axioms :


1. All have infinite, internal, eternal, and unconditional worth as persons.

2. All have equal worth as people. Worth is not comparative or competitive. Although you might be better at sports, academics, or business, and I might be better in social skills, we both have equal worth as human beings.

3. Externals neither add to nor diminish worth. Externals include things like money, looks, performance, and achievements. These only increase one’s market or social worth. Worth as a person, however, is infinite and unchanging.

4. Worth is stable and never in jeopardy (even if someone rejects you.)

5. Worth doesn’t have to be earned or proved. It already exists. Just recognize, accept and appreciate it.



I was absolutely stunned when I read these 5 simple concepts about human worth. Thinking about and internalizing these 5 Axioms will help you to get a good picture of what self worth looks like and that you and everyone else has infinite worth on a personal level. Self Esteem plays a very important role in our daily lives, overall decision making and our level of personal happiness.


I wish you all a nice day!


Marc

How to deal more effectively with mistakes

We get way too worked up about simple mistakes sometimes... ;-)

Almost all the people I have met so far struggle with it to some degree. I sometimes get very angry with myself for doing them : mistakes. It seems most of us have a very hard time dealing with our own faults. We tend to get pissed off, blame ourselves for not doing better and critizise ourselves in our own thoughts.


The problem isn't that we are doing something "wrong" - it's our perception of what mistakes are and what they tell about us. Everyone screws up sometimes yet we normally don't get too mad about the mistakes that other people make because we know that human beings aren't perfect. The same forgiving attitude could be applied to ourselves if we are willing to do it and this would help us a great deal with removing stress from our own lives.


So what exactly is a mistake? In most peoples minds a mistake is something that shouldn't have happened, that you should've known better, something very stupid and unforgiving. Many of us strive to not make any mistakes at all. The fear of failure can cripple someone severely in their potential and that is why I would like to propose another way of seeing your own mistakes in the future.


Mistakes are simply feedback about how you are currently doing in any given task at that very moment. They do not reflect your full skillset nor do they give an accurate view of who you are and what you can really do. They can not diminish your worth as a person. Ever.


We struggle with making mistakes because sometimes we know we could to better. We do not want others to think that we are like this all the time.


We wish that things went better, there is a conflict inside of us between how we think it should be and how it actually is. If you can resolve that conflict by simply accepting that, in this very moment, you get feedback about something you can work on or get better at by making a mistake a lot of your struggling will simply vanish.


Imagine you want to learn how to play the piano and this is your first lesson ever. You wouldn't expect to play perfectly right from the start. You know that you are a complete beginner and that you will make lots of mistakes, yet your attitude of accepting them does not divide your mind between "it should be different" and "this is how it is", thus frustrating you. If however, you are an expert piano player you would tend to be very unforgiving of making, in your own perception, "minor" mistakes that you could have been easily avoided (by paying more attention for example). But this is not a very constructive and supporting way of looking at it.  


Simply see it as feedback for this very moment. If you manage to do that then it is very easy to direct your energy towards changing it and learning from it.


Don't beat yourself up. You are not helping anyone and you would most likely be very forgiving if someone else made the same mistake you just did. Take it as feedback and not as a statement about your skills or your worth as a person.



Cheers!


Marc


 

Allow yourself to be awesome!

Just be the most awesome person you can be!

If there is anything in life that almost all people (except a few) do it's this : not living their own awesomeness to the fullest extent. We tend to think : who am I that I can be this amazing? Why should I be so special? The answer is : because you can and you are fully allowed to! That's why!!


A lot of our restricting thought patterns stem from either our parents or the people around us and I can imagine that this type of thinking has been around for ages. I mean just imagine if everyone would live their fullest potential - it's a scary vision for those who carry a lot of insecurities and don't want other to exceed them all the time. Our parents and teachers want us to be humble and not run around like an arrogant douchebag so maybe that's the reason why they sometimes try to apply the brakes to us a little bit. No one likes a bragger, right?


Being reminded that you are indeed human and you will make mistakes is a good thing. But taking it as far as not realizing your innate awesomeness is a whole other thing.

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

by Marianne Williamson

Allow yourself to be as awesome as you can. Don't fear that you will leave anyone behind by going for it. Your family and friends will always understand. People will be inspired by your actions. Are there people who will resent you for it? Of course! But there are also people who resent you right now for whatever you do so why would this matter? Your opinion of yourself is the supreme king in your realm! If you want to do something amazing just make it happen. What would this world be without role models who inspire us to great success? You can be that someone, just fully allow yourself to do it every time you do anything! Allow yourself to be awesome when you work. Allow yourself to be amazing when you sleep, eat or relax. Just let your inner core brilliance shine into everything. You are a good person. Go for it!

Cheers!

Marc

Internal Validation - How to begin

Free yourself of the constant need for approval from other people

I was just in the kitchen, making a super delicious breakfast for my girlfriend and myself when it suddenly hit me : internal validation is freaking awesome!!


If you are just a regular guy or girl who has never put much thought into it then chances are very high that you are to some degree (some more, some less) dependant on the validation that you receive from other people. There are many articles for example in psychology or on dating sites that write about this exact topic. But what I've always missed was clear to follow instructions how to switch from being externally validated to being mostly internally validated. You can start with small steps...


Back to my kitchen story. As I was making breakfast my mind wandered towards the excitement I could relish in when my girl recognizes how awesome our breakfast is gonna be. How she will thank me for the work I put into it and how happy I will be then. Suddenly...BAM!...it hit me! Why on earth would I be more happy just because I would get recognition for my work??


I already knew that the food was awesome, what I did was cool and fulfilling so why would I need another person to tell me? Your own opinion of yourself should be what matters most to you. If you know you are doing great then please, by all means tell yourself! Over and over again if you have to! There is no law that is preventing you from actually acknowledging the value of yourself or your work in this world.If you keep waiting for others to approve of you or to appreciate all the small things you find awesome about yourself you're gonna have a really bad time...


So the first step is : appreciate yourself fully and often, every time you think you should be appreciated for something! No matter what it his, no matter how small - if you think you did well, then celebrate yourself for it.


You deserve the fullest support from yourself. You will notice how often you wait for the approval of others in even the smallest of things that you do or say and how independant you can be if you take care of the approval part yourself. Just try it out and be amazed how good it feels!


Cheers!


Marc